already 3 days lurr
this week is the 1st time i didt go out at night
keep stay at home only
today is sunday
my mum suprise that i stay at home and never go out
i totally no tat mood to walked out from my home
because i know once i step out from home,i need to show my fake smile
i need to talk i need to act
stay at home just facing computer watched hong kong drama
no one bother me and i no need to force myself smile or talk
i rather choose this way to stand on my life
blogger is my close friend recently can let me said out:)
i don dare to find anyone i scare to disturb them
i really dunno where or who i can say out all my feeling
i endure till so pain i cant breathe
i dunno i can use what way to forget my pain
i dunno i can use what way to make myself feel more comfortable
so i choose to escape..
i feel that this mind this brain this body is not belongs to me
i feel myself so stranger
i don want to bother my friends anymore
i don want they worry about me but i really dunno how to settle down myself
only cry is a best way that i feel i can breathe
how many tears i fall how many times i cry just can cheers myself up?
1 week? 1 month ? 3 month? or 1 years?
i dunno :'(
how stupid am i
how dumb am i
how foolish am i
can i have a people to scold me to slap me till i wake up?
i even hope that i can sleep 24 hours
only sleep can make my brain stop thinking anythings
only sleep i can totally relax myself
i don want wake up i don want open my eyes
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
please give me a place that wont remind me all my sadness
please give me a place to hide myself
i lost my happy
i lost my smile
i lost my heart
i lost soey
