home

already 3 days lurr

this week is the 1st time i didt go out at night

keep stay at home only

today is sunday

my mum suprise that i stay at home and never go out

i totally no tat mood to walked out from my home

because i know once i step out from home,i need to show my fake smile

i need to talk i need to act

stay at home just facing computer watched hong kong drama

no one bother me and i no need to force myself smile or talk

i rather choose this way to stand on my life

blogger is my close friend recently can let me said out:)

i don dare to find anyone i scare to disturb them

i really dunno where or who i can say out all my feeling

i endure till so pain i cant breathe

i dunno i can use what way to forget my pain

i dunno i can use what way to make myself feel more comfortable

so i choose to escape..

i feel that this mind this brain this body is not belongs to me

i feel myself so stranger 

i don want to bother my friends anymore

i don want they worry about me but i really dunno how to settle down myself

only cry is a best way that i feel i can breathe

how many tears i fall how many times i cry just can cheers myself up?

1 week? 1 month ? 3 month? or 1 years?

i dunno :'(

how stupid am i 

how dumb am i

how foolish am i

can i have a people to scold me to slap me till i wake up?

i even hope that i can sleep 24 hours 

only sleep can make my brain stop thinking anythings 

only sleep i can totally relax myself

i don want wake up i don want open my eyes

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

please give me a place that wont remind me all my sadness

please give me  a place to hide myself

i lost my happy

i lost my smile

i lost my heart

i lost soey